In the morning Andrew gave me a birthday card with the most amazing loving message inside. We left work in the afternoon to go shopping for my birthday present! As an early birthday present I had gotten a place on the 21 Secrets course which is all kinds of awesome. So as the rest of my birthday present I wanted to get art supplies!

We went to Atlantis, which as far as I know is the biggest art supply store in central London. I had a few things in mind that I wanted to look at, but was also quite keen to just browse and see what struck my fancy. I think that’s so great about mixed media art, you never know what tools you’re going to use and you can potentially use anything. It’s very inspirational to just walk around the store to look at stuff and think about how it could be used.

I’m very excited about the things I got! I got:

Desktop Easel
I’ve never had an easel before and I’m really excited to try it out! The one I got folds up into a box which can also be used for storing some supplies. Really handy!

A3 Sketchbook/Journal
I’ve been keen to start working a bit bigger. I like working in a book, rather than loose pages, because of the cohesiveness of having a finished ‘book’ of art once it is full. It’ll be exciting to use this in conjunction with the easel and also try my hand at some abstract stuff (following one of the 21 Secrets classes).

Caran d’Ache Neocolor II
I always get some new colours whenever I shop for art supplies (I already had the tin of 15 and an assortment of skin tones and reds). I went for greens/blues/violets as those were colours I was attracted to and want to start using a bit more.

Brushes
I got three sturdy brushes of a slightly bigger size than I usually get, to go along with working in the A3 journal.

Palette Knife
I thought this would be fun to have to apply paint/mediums to create different textures than when applying with a brush.

Brayer
I love the aesthetic of brayering paint on my paintings. I already had one but it’s so big it’s hard to avoid areas I don’t want to touch (like a pretty face), so I went for the smallest size this time.

Acrylic Paints
I wanted to get some heavy body acrylics for Tam’s 21 Secrets class but unfortunately they were out of the colours I wanted (two different type of flesh-tones). So instead I got some regular acrylics in those colours. I’m sure I’ll be able to make them work for the class and they’re handy to have in any case.

Texture Medium
Or something like it, I forget the exact name. Basically an opaque gel medium to create interesting texture.

I think that was it! I’m so excited to start playing with my new toys!!

In other news, this morning Andrew and I went for our third ultrasound scan. Usually you only have 2 scans (that’s standard in the UK anyway), but at my 20 week scan I had a low lying placenta (where the placenta covers (part of) the cervix, which means you would have to have a c-section). It is fairly common for it to be low early on, and usually it will move up, but they need to monitor that to be sure. The scan went well and they told me my placenta has moved up. I am so happy and relieved!! Everything is fine with the baby as well. His measurements are pretty much average, although apparently he has long legs! He weighs approx 2.5kg at the moment.

We’ve got an appointment with my midwife this afternoon to discuss my birth plan. So very happy to be able to discuss a natural birth!

Saturday just gone marked 30 weeks of my pregnancy! So over the past few months and the coming few weeks I’m seeing a lot of friends to catch up before ‘my life is over’ (as I’ve patronisingly been told by some people). It’s both scary and exciting to think that it’s not much longer to wait now. We’re doing a lot of preparations at the moment, mostly in the form of buying stuff. We still need to get a car seat and the carrycot attachment for our pushchair. Other than that it’s just a ton of small stuff we need. We’re also starting antenatal classes at the end of this month. We’ve signed up for the NCT courses and I look forward to meeting other couples in our area.

I’ve been fairly productive with art lately. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy that’s inspiring me or maybe the feeling of spring which is always a positive time of year. When it comes to creating art it’s the mental obstacles that stand in my way the most (I am not good enough, my art is not pretty enough, it doesn’t look as good as x/y/z artist’s work, I don’t create as much as others so mine isn’t ‘valid’ somehow etc, the list goes on for a looooong time!). I can’t say I have found a specific way of battling these demons, but I am feeling slightly more confident lately and am really trying to tell myself that doing ANY art is all part of the process, whether I like the piece I end up with or not.

Pregnant Princess – I’d had the idea for doing a whimsy pregnancy painting floating around in my head for a while. After doing Bird in a Cage which had very dark colours, I wanted to do something with light and cheery colours. We’ve been working on our baby’s room and I wanted to make something that could possibly go up on the wall in there. I am quite pleased with how the piece turned out overall. I always find it scary to paint a face because I never feel like I have a lot of fine control over the expression, but it turned out OK (although quite different from the sketch I was working from!). I also like the colours and the textures.

Walking My Elephant – I actually don’t like this one particularly. I felt good about it when it was still a sketch, but then I started with the colour and stuff went wrong (the black outlines smudged around her mouth and I didn’t end up being able to fix it properly). Ironically I’ve had some comments from people that they like it and they think it’s cute. That just goes to show! I guess I like the concept but too much went wrong with the execution so it just left me with a bad feeling that I can’t seem to shake.

I Am Already Authentic – This one I like, both because of what it looks like and what it represents. This is an art journal spread that is the week 1 assignment of Tam’s free Art, Heart & Healing course. The aim of the assignment was to listen to my inner critical voice and write down all my self-criticisms and doubts. Then I gessoed over the words as a symbolic letting go. The next part was to paint a ‘self portrait’ and turn the criticisms into one positive statement (coming from the point of view that the critical self is only trying to protect us, albeit going about it in a negative and self-destructive way!).

For me the main theme that came out of this exercise is around not feeling authentic or special as I am, and always feeling like I have to be more like other people in order to be liked or loved or noticed. It’s a constant struggle as intellectually I know I am authentic and special and have my own unique message to impart, but I find it very hard to really feel and believe that as well. It is one of the many reasons I find it hard to create art and update my blog regularly as well! I often can’t imagine why anyone could possibly be interested in me or what I have to say. I am not saying that in a self-deprecating ‘pity me’ way by the way, I am just trying to illustrate some of my personal struggles around self-worth and authenticity.

Hint Of A Smile – A while back I did a workshop at Blade Rubber Stamps to learn how to make your own Japanese Stab Bound Journal. It was a fun class and at the end we took home our own album that we made during the class. I think it has about 15 pages in it with nice high quality paper (not watercolour paper but it’s fairly thick and very nice for art journalling on). This piece is on the first page of the album. It’s so nice to work in an album I created myself from scratch! Really adds to the feeling of ownership and pride. I am also very pleased with this page. I felt confident and in control about the face and I like the colours and level of complexity in the background.

Since a couple of years ago Tam has been running several art classes online. World of Whimsy where you learn to create whimsical characters and complex mixed media backgrounds. Awesome Art Journal, a course about everything to do with creating art journal pages. Fabulous Faces where she teaches how to create more realistic portraits and the rules/techniques behind front facing, three-quarter and profile portraits. All of these courses were (and are, as they are available on DVD) incredible and helpful, however the only downside for a lot of people was that you did have to pay for them.

To help out those that can’t afford her courses, she is now offering a FREE COURSE!! It is a four week course that will cover some really exciting techniques and will also focus on healing through art. I seriously can’t wait! Below is a video where Tam explains about the course.

Head over to willowing.ning.com and sign up! I know I mentioned this before but IT IS FREE!! (Classes usually cost around $60) Another great thing about her courses is the amazing community of people who take them. It’s such a nice place to share art and get inspired around like minded individuals who won’t judge you. Hope to see you there!!

Atlantis • Aldgate, E1
http://www.atlantisart.co.uk
A huge shop (biggest in the UK according to their website) with pretty much any art supplies you can think of. Lots of supplies for fine art, but also things for kids, plenty of materials for mixed media artists (they do both natural and bleached beeswax). Huge range of Golden & Liquitex products. Best thing about Atlantis is that their prices are very very good.

Blade Rubber • Bloomsbury, WC1
http://www.bladerubberstamps.co.uk
This shop is a must for art journalers. They don’t just do rubber stamps but a ton of papercrafting accessories and more. They do a lot of mixed media & art journaling essentials. It’s the only shop I’ve found that actually stocks things like Stewart Gill paints, mica flakes and specialist magazines. They are unfortunately quite expensive but you do have the advantage of seeing the supplies in the flesh rather than guessing what something is like when you buy online. They also do classes.

Cass Art • Charing Cross, WC2 – Soho, W1 – Hampstead, NW3 – Kensington, W8
http://www.cassart.co.uk
They have a few branches and do great deals on quite a lot of their stock. Paper, sketchbooks, Promarkers (sets) and Caran d’Ache watersolubles (sets) are really competitively priced. I haven’t been to their flagship store, but their smaller store on Charing Cross road is great for picking up a few essentials.

Cornelissen • Bloomsbury, WC1
http://www.cornelissen.com
Quite fine art focussed, but I would recommend going in here even if you’re not interested in what they sell: the inside of the shop is amazing! It’s what you’d imagine stepping into a 19th century art shop would be like. Apart from the obvious they sell some interesting stuff (I found some type of gold coloured powder in there, never seen that anywhere else) and tucked away at the back you can find discounted supplies.

Cowling & Wilcox Ltd • Soho, W1 – Shoreditch, E1 – Camberwell, SE5
http://www.cowlingandwilcox.com
It’s been a few years since I went into this shop but I think they’re quite similar in terms of stock to Cass Art.

Hobbycraft • Croydon, CR0 – Greenford, UB6 – Romford, RM1 – Watford, WD17
http://www.hobbycraft.co.uk
You have to travel a bit further out of town, but the size of the store makes up for it. Prices aren’t as low as you might expect, but the shop is great for browsing because they have so much. They cover almost every area of art and craft. I especially like going into the aisle with art supplies for kids, you can pick up some nice things for mixed media projects for a lot less money than the stuff that’s specifically targetted at art journaling.

John Lewis • Oxford Street, W1
http://www.johnlewis.com
The haberdashery department in John Lewis has some nice bits & bobs. I’ve only been there for my knitting/crocheting needs, but they also do lots of little accessories (embellishments, ribbons etc) and I think they’re picking up on crafters’ needs a bit more over the past couple of years.

London Graphic Centre • Covent Garden, WC2
http://www.londongraphics.co.uk
I love this shop because it’s got a lot and is so central. They are a bit pricey though. In the ranges of drawing/watercolour pencils, (watersoluble) oil pastels, conte crayons etc they sell single colours of almost everything which can be very handy. They sell an adequate range of paints & mediums although if you really want to go to town on those I’d still recommend Atlantis.

Then I thought to myself that I should really try to work through those negative thoughts, and not let them control me. An art journal (in theory) is the best place to do that. It’s much more of a ‘safe’ place than for example a canvas which leads me to pressure myself into having to create something ‘good’ (whatever that means, I am hyper critical of my own work, I’m sure other artists can relate). I am definitely learning to be more accepting of what I create and to take pleasure and satisfaction from creating in the first place rather than judging myself for creating something that looks rubbish and then punishing myself by feeling badly and not doing more art.

I especially like the whole ‘creating & moving on’ style of working. It’s all about the process and expressing yourself, not about a perfect finished product with not a hair out of place. It’s such a great platform for experimenting with technique, composition, materials, colours etc. Love!

Permission To Be Me
Aesthetically I don’t love this piece, but it is important to me because I was able to accept it and move on from it. The whole theme of the page is about giving myself permission to do and be, and not punishing myself for whatever arbitrary reason. It’s funny, because I am always so scared of negative comments or feedback, but the most negative and critical person to evaluate my art is me!

Worthy
I started this page back in 2008 (I think ‘worthy’ was a prompt from SuziBlu) when I painted the mice and the house with the girl. There were lots of words scribbled in the empty space and I hated the whole thing! Then the other week I decided to go back to it. I added the background and the stamped words and now I actually really like it. Such a simple addition but it made all the difference to me.

Princess and Her Castle
Not much of a story behind this one. I wanted to draw a whimsical girl and already had the idea in my head for a castle in the background. I initially had a sticker of a rose in the entrance of the castle but I got rid of it because I preferred the darkness/scariness of the black hole. I bought this amazing butterfly stamp which you can see in the background, it’s so pretty.

Doodles
Just some doodles I did for fun while on the train (which is why some of the lines are anything but smooth!). If you want to learn how to doodle I would highly recommend this video by Marieke Blokland. It’s awesome!

Growing, Learning, Loving
I had been thinking of doing a pencil sketch. I wanted to try a 3/4 face according to the things I had learned in Tam’s portrait class. It’s my first attempt at doing a non-front facing portrait and I found it quite difficult. Also I think I got confused and switched light sources about 4 times throughout drawing so the shading doesn’t necessarily make sense lol. Nevertheless I really do love this page as it was fun, good practice and I can see progress in my technique and I also like the composition.

Obviously tablets are more traditionally known for allowing you to use the mouse like a pen/pencil/brush and creating art with it, so I thought I’d give it a go too. As you may know I like to do some mixed media art here and there, but haven’t done any digital painting. I did some Googling and came up with this Introduction to Painting by Jeff Priest. The premise is very simple, sketch something, then colour it using one colour and it’s highlight & shadow counterparts.

I decided to start with an apple, picked a reference picture and started a sketch (I use Photoshop CS2 in case you were wondering). I find sketching with the tablet quite difficult compared to sketching with a pencil. I find I don’t have as much control, sometimes my lines go completely all over the place. When sketching with a pencil I always find it difficult to sketch the right side of things (like the right side of a face, or indeed, the right side of an apple) and with the tablet I find that problem magnified even further. However, working with a computer does mean it’s very easy to undo or erase stray lines.

Then I started to add the colour. It took me a few minutes to get to grips with the brushes and especially fiddling with the opacity to add shadows/highlights and blend the colours. But then my brain just ‘clicked’ and it became quite a fun and therapeutic process of going over the sections and refining the painting. It was only a quick exercise (as an aside, I am terrible when it comes to practicing or doing exercises. It’s like some sort of mental block for me. I somehow have this notion that I need to be good at something without practice, otherwise it’s not worth doing or I am not worthy of doing it. Intellectually (and indeed, logically) I know that’s complete bullshit, but I can’t help but feel badly when I’m not magically good at something but *gasp* need practice), it probably took about an hour, but very satisfying to see something take shape like that. I’d say that using the tablet in conjunction with the brushes in photoshop made the colouring/shading very easy and pleasurable. However, I found it quite difficult to make nice smooth curves. Overall I found it easier than ‘real’ painting. I find it hard to know how to create realistic shading, but working digitally gives you a big margin for error because of the ease with which you can go over something again and refine it without having to wait for something to dry, or worrying you’re going to ruin your work so far.

After doing the apple, which was fun but a bit boring, I thought I’d try a portrait. A while back I did an online portrait course run by my friend Tam (she runs a lot of courses, I really recommend them!), so I applied the theory I learned then on how to create a front facing portrait. I’ve worked on it a few hours and you can see the work in progress below. I’m pleased with it so far. I’m also blown away by how comparatively easy it is because of it’s flexibility. I love little ‘cheating’ tricks like.. sketch the left side of the face, and then just copy it, flip horizontally and place it to create a whole face that is symmetrical.. mwahaha. Working digitally really helps guide you to create something halfway decent much quicker than with regular painting (I find, anyway). Of course it does lack the ‘realness’ of actual painting. One of the things I love about working with mixed media is the textures and smells of real paint, wood, paper etc and digital art doesn’t have that.

Unfortunately using the tablet for hours on end in such a concentrated way isn’t great for my elbow… so I really have to be responsible and not do it too much (or probably at all.. but doing what’s good for yourself isn’t always easy or fun).

They didn’t have a gift list and said they didn’t want any presents because people being able to come to Gibraltar was present enough. Obviously I couldn’t show up empty handed, but I’m not a big fan of giving toasters (besides, a nice toaster is bloody expensive!) or generic presents just for the sake of giving something. So I decided to create a painting. I think it was back in February last year that Hetty asked if I would do a painting for her, after seeing the painting I made for my aunt.

I set up my art desk and identified my art supplies (all still in boxes from our move in April) which were conveniently located in the box that was tucked furthest away and underneath 3 boxes filled with books.. And I set to work. I started on the Sunday before the wedding and finished it on Thursday evening (because I flew out on the Friday), which is very fast for me. However, I think it’s actually good for me to be under a bit of time pressure, because it makes me get on with things and forces me not to think too much. Thinking too much can have a devastating effect on ‘getting things done’ for me, because self doubt creeps in quickly and makes it impossible to create freely.

The first picture below is the finished painting. Stupidly enough I only took that one picture of it when finished rather than close-ups of the details as I usually do. Ah well. The other pictures are of the progress in chronological order. You can click each picture for a bigger version.

Finished painting

Sketch on wood

Skin tones painted

Hair painted

Clothes painted

Cats painted

Initial background layers added