It’s actually starting to get good now. From week 5 to week 10 I was quite nauseous and incredibly tired all the time. Now [...]]]> Yes that’s mine!! And Andrew’s. We’re so incredibly super excited and happy! I’m currently 13 weeks and 5 days pregnant and my due date is 21 May 2011.

It’s actually starting to get good now. From week 5 to week 10 I was quite nauseous and incredibly tired all the time. Now I feel fine (although still needing slightly more sleep than usual) apart from feeling RAVENOUSLY hungry pretty much all the time! But it’s definitely preferable to not fancying food at all. Other people probably won’t notice yet but I’m starting to get a bit of a belly, my trousers are getting a bit tight. So are my bras, which I am SO not complaining about =p

It was also really nice and special to get a scan. Before my scan I was just so worried and anxious all the time because there wasn’t really any way of knowing whether everything was alright. I’m not sure what it’s like in other countries but when you get pregnant in the UK you get a LOT of information which include a lot of scary statistics. I’m one of those people who prefers knowledge over ignorance, but it’s very hard to keep positive in the face of so many statistics about stuff that can go wrong (especially in the first trimester).

We went on holiday to Holland for two weeks at the end of October to visit family & friends. Everyone was really happy and supportive. We went by car and actually managed to fit my old changing table (which was also my aunt’s changing table and possibly my mum’s) AND playpen in the boot. It’s like family freecycle haha. I love the idea of using the same furniture that my mum used for me when I was a baby.

On a completely different note, one of my art journal pages is featured in this month’s Art Journalling It’s All Good e-zine. I was really surprised and flattered when they asked. Getting a copy is only $5 and it’s filled with useful and interesting articles about art journalling, I really recommend it. Profits from the sales go to a good cause.

I find it hard to know how this makes me feel. A bit sad, I suppose, but I guess it’s hard to know whether I’m feeling my feelings fully. That sounds like gibberish I know, but I’m sure some people can make sense of [...]]]> Today is my mum’s birthday. She would’ve been 59.

I find it hard to know how this makes me feel. A bit sad, I suppose, but I guess it’s hard to know whether I’m feeling my feelings fully. That sounds like gibberish I know, but I’m sure some people can make sense of it.

What I think is the thing that is hardest to reconcile is that she has been dead for over half the time I had been alive when she died. (I was 15, and it’s been nearly 9 years). In 7 years time I’ll have been alive longer without her than with her. The thought of that makes me cry, because it just seems so impossible. Like, how is it possible that I exist while she doesn’t?

I haven’t really blogged about this before, nor have I really written about it before, not even in private diaries. I’d like to try it more because I think it’s quite worthwhile writing it down, although it’s hard to give voice to what I feel because I don’t think about it much.