Moving house

Up until February 2009 Andrew and I were living together in one room in a flatshare with two other [...]]]> I update so infrequently that whenever I do, I first have to upgrade WordPress to the latest version. Happens every time! Here a little update with some major things that happened in my life in 2009.

Moving house

Up until February 2009 Andrew and I were living together in one room in a flatshare with two other people (and were also running our business from said room). We’d been there since the beginning of our relationship 4 years previously and needless to say it was cramped and you couldn’t turn your arse cozy. Having got married the previous autumn we’d really hoped to be able to buy by that time, but it didn’t work out. So we decided to at least find our own place to rent. It meant moving slightly further out from the centre of London but the space we got in return for it was definitely worth it. Not having to share the kitchen and bathroom with other people anymore is pure bliss!

Tikka

As a direct consequence of moving into our own place meant I could finally get a cat! I had wanted a cat since I was about 4 years old, but my mum didn’t want cats so I had to make do with first a guinea pig, then several dwarf hamsters and also some mice (none of which I particularly liked as they were poor substitute for a cat). I had been doing research on cats for a while and decided I really wanted a Bengal as the personality of the breed really appealed to me as well as the look. At the beginning of April we picked up our little cat and brought her home! We called her Tikka both because she’s a Bengal and because we live near Brick Lane (curry capital!).

She is everything we expected and then some! I cannot imagine life without her now. She is absolutely INSANE which fits our personalities quite well =p Right now she is asleep on top of a pile of boxes underneath a halogen lamp as it’s nice and warm there.

Playing the Violin

In September I took up playing the violin. When I was little I’d had lessons for maybe 6 months or a year but quit quickly (after hardly practicing) because I felt very disappointed at how hard it was and how horrible it sounded! Nevertheless, it had always been my favourite instrument and continued to be so. Now as an adult I thought it more likely that I’d have the patience and dedication to try again. I’m taking lessons at a local college that specialises in evening education for adults. My class is very big (about 20 people – although in practice not everyone shows up every week) but the teacher is great and I feel like I’m making good progress. I enjoy the lessons and practicing at home and can’t wait to get better!

California

Going to California has always been a dream for both of us. We initially wanted to do this for our honeymoon in 2008, but had next to no money left after getting married! So instead we went this year and I’m definitely glad we waited. It was the holiday of a lifetime and I enjoyed it immensely. We both really want to go back or perhaps try to live there part of the year.

1st Anniversary

31 October 2009 was our first wedding anniversary. I’m just so glad to be spending my life with Andrew! Our relationship grows stronger every year and I definitely think the past year has been exceptional in terms of how much closer we’ve become. In 9 days we celebrate our 5 years together!

Overall

This past year has been really good. I’m almost surprised as I am not used to my life being that enjoyable, always expecting disaster around the corner. I think I updated a while back writing about feeling more content and life being more in balance. I’m hoping this will continue and obviously will work on making it happen! One of the most valuable ‘lessons’ I learned this year is that you create your own destiny and that it’s up to you alone how you approach and interpret what happens.

In some ways lots has been going on, and in other ways life has been pretty boring. I guess that’s how it always is.

I’m reading the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer at the moment. Wow.. I am so into it. I [...]]]> Yes yes, I know. I am incredibly crap at updating this thing. Sincerest apologies.

In some ways lots has been going on, and in other ways life has been pretty boring. I guess that’s how it always is.

I’m reading the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer at the moment. Wow.. I am so into it. I know I’m supposed to be all apologetic for not reading high-brow literature, but seriously, anyone who writes something so appealing and engaging gets my respect.

Life with our little cat is so lovely. She’s becoming less like a kitten and more like a cat every day. Although she still does silly things. When we were on holiday she stayed with Andrew’s sister and requisitioned a feather duster. It’s about as long as she is, and she will attack it and bite it. The funniest thing she does though is when she picks it up with her teeth (like a dog with a stick, horizontally) and walks around with it.

She’s also obsessed with elastic hair bands. She’s also a master at losing them. I’m going through hair bands really quickly at the moment haha. She can just sniff them out. I’ll see her sticking her head inside my handbag, and after a few seconds she comes out with a hair band in her teeth.

Seriously, I can talk about my cat for hours. I took some videos the other week but haven’t downloaded them yet. If they’re any good I will post them.

Hmm what else.. we went on holiday to California at the end of September. It was absolutely amazing. Complete and utter holiday of a lifetime. We took 900odd pictures so it’ll probably be about a year or five before I actually sort through and post any of them. I can’t really think of specific highlights because the whole experience as a whole was just so impressive. We flew in to LA, spent a few days there, drove north along the coast to Malibu, then Big Sur and up to San Fransisco. Then from SF we spent a few days in the wine country, went to Yosemite, down through Death Valley on our way to Las Vegas and then back to LA. We camped for a third of the time which was nice (but cold! Except in Death Valley) and authentic.

OK here’s a picture. It’s absolutely impossible to choose one picture that sums up the whole journey so I leave you with a token tourist shot.

Life’s thrown some punches at me and I’ve been good at surviving, but lately I’ve felt [...]]]> Earlier when I was walking to the post-box in my flip flops (not only my flip flops, mind) it struck me that I am actually quite happy. This is quite a huge thing coming from me, ever the depressed pessimist.

Life’s thrown some punches at me and I’ve been good at surviving, but lately I’ve felt a bit of a shift. For a few years now I’ve not merely been surviving, but living and lately I’ve been enjoying life with more consistency than ever before.

I just want to mention that although I’ve suffered from depression, I would have never described myself as an unhappy person. The difference I am talking about now though, is something between having happy moments or spells, and a more consistent contentment.

The reasons for this are ample, I think, there isn’t one single thing (I am averse to the whole ‘one single thing’ mindset as a whole, it puts too much pressure and expectation on something that can never deliver). Overall though, I think it can be summed up as ‘life is finally going right for me’.

Sure there are still things I want and would like to achieve, and I don’t want to become complacent, but I feel less like something is missing. That’s quite huge, because my life has been governed by loss a lot (both in the bigger sense from losing my mother, but also in smaller ways, in which I recreate or re-experience loss in almost every situation).

It may sound trite but having a husband who loves me, living in our own place (rented, but not shared with flatmates), having a cat, having a nice bottle of wine every now and again, fiddling with crochet/knitting/art/cooking… it all just fills me with more calm than I’ve ever felt in my life.

It makes me feel like, yes I can have nice things (or rather, a nice life), and no they’re not going to be taken away from me at a moment’s notice for no good reason.

I just bought a Nintendo DS Lite off ebay, so I’m pretty excited about that! I [...]]]> Someone kick me and make me update already! I’ve been toying with the idea of updating my blog for about a month but I keep putting it off. So voila, an impromptu update with no topic or meaningful content whatsoever!

I just bought a Nintendo DS Lite off ebay, so I’m pretty excited about that! I got it because I’m going to Holland in a few weeks BY BUS. So for the lovely 10 hour journey I thought I’d get something to occupy myself with. Thing is, going by bus, AND buying a Nintendo DS, is still cheaper than flying… flying is quite expensive at the moment.

Since you didn’t ask, I’m going to Holland (my lovely country of birth and corruption – my corruption, not the country’s) to sign papers for my house which was sold. I’m also visiting my best friend from uni (who is American, studied in England, and then him and his Italian girlfriend moved to Holland.. go figure) who has recently had a child!! And I’m catching up with two of my best friends from high school who I last saw at my wedding where we really didn’t have enough time to properly talk.

A while back I started another painting. Similar to the one before, in the same watercolour Moleskine, with the same techniques, just a different face. I painted the face & hair, I still have to colour in her top and the background (have needed to do that for about 2 weeks now..) which I will get around to sometime, and then I will show you, because I know you’re practically dying to see it.

I’m watching season 1 of Gossip Girl at the moment and it makes me wish I was a teenager again because I have unresolved issues and there are lots of people I would totally kick in the teeth. But not literally. Also, I don’t really wish I was a teenager again because adolescence = hell with too many hormones.

Oh and last night I had this awesome dream and Nathan Fillion was in it.

I’m going to do a serious post (cue ominous music) soon in relation to this book I am reading. But I need to get in the mood to write about srs bsns, so not yet my pretties, not yet.

Also I don’t know why my site is so incredibly slow. Maybe it’s the theme? I just hope for your sake you are reading this through a feed reader.

Yesterday was an exciting yet frustrating day. We had taken the day off work to go IKEA shopping to get some bits and pieces for our new flat. Oh yeah, forgot to mention (although I’ve Twittered about it), we moved to a new flat! It’s gorgeous and spacious and [...]]]> Time for an update about My Life™

Yesterday was an exciting yet frustrating day. We had taken the day off work to go IKEA shopping to get some bits and pieces for our new flat. Oh yeah, forgot to mention (although I’ve Twittered about it), we moved to a new flat! It’s gorgeous and spacious and it’s soooo nice to not be sharing anymore (our flatmates were nice, but when you’re married it should really be time to think about your own place, right?!).

Anyway, like I mentioned a while back, money has been tight and obviously there are costs involved with moving too, so we are trying to budget a lot and trying to be really careful with what we spend money on. Sooo we went to IKEA to buy some stuff, arrived back in the car park afterwards and noticed someone had tried to break into our hired van. NOT NICE. They didn’t manage to get into the van (even if they did, it was completely empty anyway) but they broke the lock, for which the rental company is now trying to charge us an exorbitant sum.

I’m feeling quite angry and sad about it. Obviously glad we had nothing in the van that could’ve been stolen, but I’m just so angry that the illegal actions of some thoughtless individual(s) can really impact our financial situation like that. Especially seeing as we’ve been agonising over every single purchase we make (from what groceries we buy to putting stuff back at IKEA because we didn’t really need them) and really cutting back on a lot of little luxuries you might usually take for granted (like having an occasional coffee at Starbucks, getting a take-away, buying books or DVDs). And then just BOOM, through something not our fault all that care we took is just obliterated by a several hundred pound bill.

Anyway, having got that off my chest, right now we’re just focussing on work a lot, as complaining about the situation isn’t going to make it better; making money is. Although I find that a bit saddening too. I don’t want my life to revolve around money, but sadly that’s how it is at the moment.

The much more exciting part about yesterday was that we went to look at some kittens! I’ve literally wanted a cat since I was about 4 years old, so now, approx 20 years later it is finally going to happen! We picked out an adorable little female kitten and she will be ready for us to pick up in about a month’s time. I’m incredibly excited!!! I’ll hopefully get some pictures from the breeder soon, so I’ll be able to post those.

We moved about 1.5 weeks ago now, but stuff is still in boxes. However, now that we’ve sorted out the final pieces of furniture we can finally unpack all the rest of our stuff (mainly books & DVDs) and really finish everything off. It’ll be nice to have our whole home ‘completed’. Especially since lots of our stuff has been in storage for about a year (due to the tiny size of our previous flat/room), so I’m really excited about putting the bookcases together and putting my books on the shelves. Once that’s all been done I’ll do a picture or video update of the flat!

Things that especially resonate with me are:

As Kahneman and Tversky put it: “In human decision-making, losses loom larger than gains.”

Loss aversion is now recognised as an important mental bias, with widespread implications. [...]]]> Decision Time. This article published on the BBC News site today is pretty interesting. It is about emotion vs rationality in decision making.

Things that especially resonate with me are:

As Kahneman and Tversky put it: “In human decision-making, losses loom larger than gains.”

Loss aversion is now recognised as an important mental bias, with widespread implications. Our desire to avoid anything that smacks of a loss often shapes our behaviour, leading us to do foolish things.

As a person who has experienced rather acute loss in my life, loss aversion is something that influences and controls my life to a large extent. For example procrastination. Lots of people dismiss procrastination with a simplistic ‘you are lazy’, however to me, procrastination is an effect of trying to limit the feeling of loss.

I also like this:

So how should we make a decision? The key is something called metacognition, or thinking about thinking.

As it hails back to what Eckhart Tolle writes about in The Power of Now. He explains how one can observe the brain when it is filled with emotion or reacting emotionally. Like for example, if you are feeling badly you could either wallow in the feeling (which will prolong the feeling and probably augment it, too) or look at the feeling and see what kind of thinking created it and is perpetuating it. It lets you understand the feeling more fully than if you were just feeling the feeling.

I really like coming across articles (especially on big respected websites!) that connect with other things that I am currently reading or thinking about.

This is just a regular ol’ white loaf, [...]]]> I’d just like to share with you this little bit of awesomeness. It is… our breadmaker! Best.kitchen.gadget.ever. Also, if you’re on a budget like us it provides a very cheap alternative to buying bread or prepackaged sandwiches. It tastes great too! The bread, that is, not the breadmaker.

This is just a regular ol’ white loaf, but you can pretty much make anything. Fruit bread (my favourite), milk, wholemeal, cheese & onion, olive etc. We haven’t tried it yet but it can also make pizza dough which saves getting your hands dirty.

Oh and lunch:

If you’re wondering what’s on the right one, that’s strawberry jam and mild cheddar. The standard reaction I have got for that for years has been ‘ewww’ but try it, because you’ll get hooked just like all the others =p

In other news, I’m relaxing on my lunchbreak by watching some Buffy the Vampire Slayer and going out later to view a flat.

I have such a love/hate relationship with the internet. On the one hand I love it (I could extol the virtues of the internetz [...]]]> (I have to type really quietly because Andrew (the husb) is still asleep and gets very grumpy when woken up. Good luck to me, because my massive G15 keyboard is anything but quiet)

I have such a love/hate relationship with the internet. On the one hand I love it (I could extol the virtues of the internetz and modern technologies for a long time) but on the other hand it allows me to feel baaaaad about myself.

On the internet I encounter people who are just so much funnier than me, better writers than me, prettier than me, better artists than me etc. Some people when encountered with ‘competition’, will strive to do better. Me, I’m like the opposite. I get talent overload paralysis (real condition. No I just totally made that up but it sounds official) and just sit here staring at my screen unable to CREATE for fear that it will be AVERAGE.

Now I’m a pretty rational person. Logic > all, for me. I’ve been told by people they like my painting, they like my writing, they think I’m pretty. AND YET. 90% of me doesn’t believe it (the other 10% of me is a person with a superiority complex the size of Europe). So I continue to look at people who are ‘better than me’ and feel bad about myself. It doesn’t make sense… IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE PEOPLE!